My husband has had seizures for the last 25 years and it has been a most difficult thing to deal with. Several years ago I was in a place of real unhappiness over this issue. I wanted to understand why he had them. I wanted them to go away. I wanted him to notice how difficult it was for me to live with the situation. I wanted things to change and I wanted it now. I wanted, I wanted, I wanted and nothing was happening. For years I took him any place I could find to get answers and get him fixed and to no avail. The seizures continued with no explanation as to why they occurred. I was angry, frustrated and miserable.
One day I had this picture come to my mind of a huge boulder in our front yard. It was about twelve feet high and dead center in the front yard, blocking any kind of view out the front window. I hated this boulder and I wanted it gone. I saw myself pushing this thing like I could get it to move. I pushed and pushed for all I was worth and of course it didn’t budge even a little. Finally I realized that all the pushing in the world was not going to get this boulder out of my yard. It was there to stay. I now had to make a choice. I could stay angry at the boulder and pitch a fit over it, dwelling on how badly I hated it, telling everyone how badly I hated this boulder in my yard, or I could plant flowers around it and make it a beautiful addition to my landscaping.
I immediately saw the correlation between the boulder and my husband’s condition. It was made clear to me that there was nothing I could do to change the situation. For whatever reason the seizures were not going away. It was my responsibility to choose how I was going to live my life with them there. I could continue to be angry about them or I could plant flowers - change my perspective. I chose to change my perspective and focus on things that are wonderful in my life, for I have a whole lot of that. It has taken time but it has made a huge difference in my life.
To this day the seizures continue and they are still difficult for many reasons. However, I am not angry, frustrated and miserable like I used to be. My life is good and I have peace knowing that all is as it should be. I take great comfort in knowing that my Heavenly Father is there to help me deal with them when they occur. It feels a whole lot better since I stopped trying to push the boulder out of my yard. The flowers look nice too.